Feb 16, 2017
It went so fast
On January 27th at 7:10am I watched the love of my life take his last breath!
We called Hospice into our home and within about 2 weeks Jason was gone. My warrior could not fight any longer......I miss him every day!
In Jason's final weeks he had many visitors! His brother Mike came up from Dallas to spend a few days with him. More family and many friends came by.....in his final days he made sure to talk to all his kids, the ones we gave birth to and the many that joined our family over the years. My hope is that they remember all the words of wisdom he shared with them. Not just in is final days, but from the many years of coaching them.
My mom, sister and I slept in the living room with Jason his final night. We took turns sitting up with him and telling him how much we loved him. At about 7am my mom woke me to say she thought it was almost time. I still remember the panic I felt. How could this be it? How could we be at the end of OUR story? I was next to Jason holding his hand as he passed. I would not change that for anything! Just after he passed we woke Jason's mom and the kids. I hated the look on their faces and THAT I would give ANYTHING to forget!
We had a few hours before the funeral home would be there to pick Jason up. I found it hard to leave him. I knew it could be the last time I saw his handsome face in our home. When the funeral home showed up I went into a panic. I don't think I even realized it. I saw them walk in the door and I just freaked. I said goodbye and left the room so they could take him.
My next step was making it in the front door of the funeral home to make preparations for Jason's visitation and funeral. I think my mom and my sister Kim pretty much pulled me along with them. Was it easy making all these decisions? NO! Did Spring Grove do everything in their power to make is easier on me? YES! I'm not sure how I would have made it through this with out the amazing funeral director we had. She was so kind but not hovering! Jason had one request, he wanted a green casket. He got one very beautiful green casket! Along with it was gold trim and navy blue in his flower arrangement....He had a nice Notre Dame theme. My guy loved him some Notre Dame!
The day of the visitation I think I was just floating through.....I was not really there. Seeing Jason i his casket was not as hard as I thought it would be. It didn't look like him and that really helped! If it looked the man I knew and loved.....I don't think I would have been able to leave him. We had a 3 hour visitation and there was a line out the door all night! I am so very grateful for everyone that made it! I can't tell you who was there....but there were A LOT of people! The night is such a blur to me.
The following morning was Jason's funeral. Jason's brother Mike took time to speak. The memories he shared made everyone laugh and cry. He did an amazing job of sharing his life with Jason with everyone there. One of the boys Jason coached got up and read a letter he had written to Jason. He wanted to give it to him himself but ran out of time. I did read it to Jason when he was still with us. Also Jason's father George got up and spoke. George is not Jason's blood father but he is his dad in every sense of the word! George was there for Jason from the age of 2 until his last breath. They were the world to each other! After the service was over it took quite awhile to get all his "boys" out of the room. To watch these teenage kids show the pain in their hearts with each other was painful and refreshing! I hope they know that Jason is proud of each one of them and that he will always be there with them.
We buried Jason next to my grandfather. I will be buried with him when it's my time. He is at the top of a hill and has a tree near him. It's a beautiful spot. I remember asking him if it was ok to go there...we were gifted the spot from my mom to save money. He looked me in my eyes and said he was fine with where ever he was, as long as I was ok with it.
So it's been 20 days now without my love. I have good days and bad days. I have days where I am mad.....so mad! Most of the time I don't feel like it's real. I'll go out and see something and think, "I can't wait to tell Jason this!" and then I realize that he's not at home waiting for me. I guess it would make more sense to say I have good hours and bad. I get so many different emotions throughout the day.
I have been trying to get our house back to a "normal" routine for the kids. It took Faith longer than the boys to go back to school. She's back now and trying to get caught up on all the work, as is the boys. I have been going through Jason's things.....not easy. I have a hat he wore almost every day that I put in a plastic bag. When I am feeling really lonely and missing him I get it out and take a big deep breath. It does help.
So many people have showed my family love over the past years and most importantly over the last few weeks. We have had donations made to our fundraising page and dinners dropped off. I didn't realize how much that would help! Trying to get bills and other expenses taken care of is made possible thanks to so many people's kind donations. THANK YOU!
The kids school and staff have been very supportive and great with the kids! Lakota is such a great community! The support given to ALL the kids after Jason's death is overwhelming! He touched so many peoples lives!
I don't think there is a good way to end this blog entry, so I will end it with this.
First and foremost......CANCER SUCKS!
Hug your friends and family! Tell them you love them, today is a gift and tomorrow is not guaranteed! Leave nothing unsaid and make amends! Nothing is worth leaving this world unresolved.
Jan 1, 2017
busy busy busy
Man oh man is life flying by!!!
Jason got his scan back the day before Christmas Eve. It would be one of 2 things......YAY it's shrinking or DAMN it's not. Well, it was damn. Jason's cancer is not only growing, it's spreading. The tumor in his neck is growing around the back of his neck and the tumor in his lungs is growing down and toward his spine. Crap crap crap! Way to go into the holiday weekend.
First I will tell you this, Jason is a fighter!! He will not give up.....but he is getting tired of fighting. Who can blame him? He is in constant pain, even with all his pain meds. This past week we went to Mercy Fairfield to have a feeding tube placed. Surgery went well and I am getting at least 4 meal supplements in him a day. Hopefully this will help him gain a little weight back. Currently Jason is down to 140lbs.
Tuesday we are heading to B North bright and early! He has to be there at 5:30 for a 7:30 biopsy. Dr Chua hand picked this surgeon and has talked to him about Jason and his tumor. Apparently the last biopsy was nothing but dead cells. He knows that he needs to be VERY careful and has to get live cancer cells. This biopsy will be sent away to foundation 1 testing. They will test several different treatments on it and see if anything works.
We are also waiting for the Dr to call about getting a nerve block. They called and asked Jason 30 minutes of questions that all answered each other. It was very annoying! My poor guy could hardly hold the phone up and they could care less. She wouldn't even talk to me.
My mom will be back home on the 9th. I'm glad, I miss having her here. She helps me so much mentally.
I hope everyone had a great holiday and here's to finding a cure in 2017!
Jason got his scan back the day before Christmas Eve. It would be one of 2 things......YAY it's shrinking or DAMN it's not. Well, it was damn. Jason's cancer is not only growing, it's spreading. The tumor in his neck is growing around the back of his neck and the tumor in his lungs is growing down and toward his spine. Crap crap crap! Way to go into the holiday weekend.
First I will tell you this, Jason is a fighter!! He will not give up.....but he is getting tired of fighting. Who can blame him? He is in constant pain, even with all his pain meds. This past week we went to Mercy Fairfield to have a feeding tube placed. Surgery went well and I am getting at least 4 meal supplements in him a day. Hopefully this will help him gain a little weight back. Currently Jason is down to 140lbs.
Tuesday we are heading to B North bright and early! He has to be there at 5:30 for a 7:30 biopsy. Dr Chua hand picked this surgeon and has talked to him about Jason and his tumor. Apparently the last biopsy was nothing but dead cells. He knows that he needs to be VERY careful and has to get live cancer cells. This biopsy will be sent away to foundation 1 testing. They will test several different treatments on it and see if anything works.
We are also waiting for the Dr to call about getting a nerve block. They called and asked Jason 30 minutes of questions that all answered each other. It was very annoying! My poor guy could hardly hold the phone up and they could care less. She wouldn't even talk to me.
My mom will be back home on the 9th. I'm glad, I miss having her here. She helps me so much mentally.
I hope everyone had a great holiday and here's to finding a cure in 2017!
Dec 22, 2016
What round is this anyway???
My guy hurts!!! I'm so tired of watching him try to hide the pain. Jason has lost almost all function in his left arm now. He has to hold it when he walks and he gets horrible pain in it.
Sunday night we spent the night in the ER. At about 7pm Jason was taking his meds when one pill got stuck in his throat. He did not chose on it, it just didn't go all the way down. He was able to breathe but not eat or drink anything. At 1am he decided it was time to go to the hospital and see what they can do.
I get that with each new person that comes in our room they need to know what they are dealing with......but there has to be a better way than for us to explain it over and over! Anyway, they took him for a CT and the woman man handled his head.....not good! If he told me this before she left the room, I would have handled it! The CT showed that the pill had gone down, but the sensation of it being there could still be bothering him. He tried some water and it stayed down!!! By 6:30am we were back home and in bed. Jason now has a pain patch and liquid pain meds.
Today we went to Jewish hospital for his PET scan. The nurse was AMAZING! She told Jason that his comfort was most important! She put 2 pads down and propped his head up! He said it was so nice that he slept through the 20 minute scan! Our drug store is working on getting some of the meds Jason needs....but for some reason they don't want to let this location stock the meds. The pharmacist is doing extra paperwork to try to get it. What does this mean? It means we drove to Colerain in rush hour to get his pain meds!
While waiting for his meds, the GI dr called to set up an appointment to have a feeding tube placed. Jason will have that done Tuesday December 27th. Hopefully that makes it easier to get some extra nutrients in him.
We hope that everyone reading this blog has a very blessed Christmas and Happy New Year. From our family to yours! Enjoy every minute, waste nothing and ALWAYS tell the people you love....that you love them! Leave nothing unsaid! <3 p="">
Aug 31, 2016
And the hits keep coming....
I'm done with this roller coaster! Can I get off now?
Jason has been having more and more pain in his neck around where the tumor is. He is taking more pain meds and nerve meds, with no relief. Last week Jason talked to Dr Chua about his pain and she sent him straight to Jewish hospital to have an ultrasound done on his neck. After the ultrasound he went back to Dr. Chua's office and found out it was clear. Next step was a CT scan. He left her office and the hospital called saying to head right over.
Dr Chua was trying to tie up all the lose ends before she headed out of town, so things were going fast. That night at 7pm I missed a call from Dr Chua herself!! That immediately sent an uneasy feeling through me! We tried to call back but got the answering service who were no help. Jason would call the next day.
So now we are at "the next day". CRAP! The tumor in his neck has gotten larger and now there are spots back in BOTH lungs! Why can't we catch a break?????
Telling the kids was not fun! My poor kids have been through so much. I hate to have to break their hearts. So, here we go again! Back on the 3 chemo treatments.
I'm at a loss.
Jason has been having more and more pain in his neck around where the tumor is. He is taking more pain meds and nerve meds, with no relief. Last week Jason talked to Dr Chua about his pain and she sent him straight to Jewish hospital to have an ultrasound done on his neck. After the ultrasound he went back to Dr. Chua's office and found out it was clear. Next step was a CT scan. He left her office and the hospital called saying to head right over.
Dr Chua was trying to tie up all the lose ends before she headed out of town, so things were going fast. That night at 7pm I missed a call from Dr Chua herself!! That immediately sent an uneasy feeling through me! We tried to call back but got the answering service who were no help. Jason would call the next day.
So now we are at "the next day". CRAP! The tumor in his neck has gotten larger and now there are spots back in BOTH lungs! Why can't we catch a break?????
Telling the kids was not fun! My poor kids have been through so much. I hate to have to break their hearts. So, here we go again! Back on the 3 chemo treatments.
I'm at a loss.
Jun 29, 2016
Vacation
We got home from a week in Cocoa Beach Florida on Saturday night. It was a great break! Jason enjoyed sitting on the balcony and got to spend a day on the beach with us thanks to a friend who let us borrow a beach tent.
The car ride was interesting. 5 people shoved into Jason's small Civic.... Jason was not able to drive as long as he thought he would and when he did, so I drove. AND I STAYED AWAKE FOR IT! That is huge for me!
Now that we are back home Jason will go back to his regular treatment. He is going to talk to the Dr about his issues though. He has been having a hard time swallowing and he chokes on his food a lot. I'm hoping they move his scan up so we can see whats going on. He is currently at treatment now....so hopefully later today we will have an idea of what is in store for us next.
Noah started a new job and so far he likes it. He is working for a commercial window cleaning place. No high rises for him, the highest he goes is with a ladder.
XOXO
Jun 10, 2016
WE ARE GOING ON VACATION!!!
Not much has been happening on the Smiddy front.
Jason is now only taking Erbitux for his treatment. This is a once a week treatment. This was actually the first study drug he took in Chicago. He and Dr Chua decided that his body and mind needed a break. The trifecta of chemotherapy he was on was really hard on him. He had no energy and it was causing him to lose function in his arms. The scan he just got showed that the tumor in his neck has not grown...but it also has not shrank. We are hoping that the Erbitux itself can help maintain the tumor. We would have loved for it to shrink...but the fact that it has not grown is just as much a victory.
We are getting ready to go on a family vacation next week!! My mom came home from RI a week ago and is going to stay with the animals. We are going to Cocoa Beach with Faith's friend and her family. Jason is really looking forward to the break from work and the "normal" life. I think this will be a great time for our family to regroup again. As the kids get older I feel like everyone is going in different directions. Noah is going into his senior year in HS and is planning on joining the Marines after graduation. Faith is going to be a Sophomore and Austin a Freshman!! We have 3 high school students! I'm not sure how that happened! It feels like it was just yesterday that I had them in diapers!
I want to thank everyone who has been there for my family through our fight with cancer. This has been a LONG and bumpy road. We have seen many people come into our lives and go just as quick....but through all of this......we got to see who really cares about us. THANK YOU!
Mar 8, 2016
Reading
Last night I was at the YMCA walking my butt off on the treadmill. I decided it was as good a time as ever to start reading a book I recently downloaded on my Kindle app. "My Spouse Has Cancer, Now What?"
Let me start out by saying...my first impression.....OH MY GOSH THIS LADY IS IN MY HEAD! There were so many feelings and thoughts that she hit so close to mine! Maybe we (spouses of those with cancer) all feel pretty much the same! You have these feelings, things you never want to say out loud. Feelings that you can't help but feel and know they would look horrible or selfish if you said them.
I had to stop reading it while at the gym because it was hitting me so hard that I started to cry. I don't want people thinking the treadmill made me cry! ;)
It's hard to voice my thoughts, ones I don't feel like I should be having. Some that scare the crap out of me. I love Jason with all my heart and I will do anything I can for him.....but sometimes it's just too much! Sometimes I want to crawl into a little hole and pretend that my life is not like this. My husband is not sick and sleeping in a recliner in the living room every night. He's not losing function of his arm, he's not hurting so much that I cant really hug him. I'm a touchy feely person. I hug! It's horrible to not be able to hug my husband. To not get to lay on the bed with him and have my head on his chest. All the little things that we used to take for granted....we can no longer do.
Jason has beat cancer before....many times! Fingers crossed and many prayers he can beat it this time too. But every time he beats it....it takes a part of him with it. A part that I will never get back.
Take time and hug your spouse...hold their hand....lay with them....don't take a minute for granted! You are not guaranteed tomorrow and you are not guaranteed that it will be like yesterday!
Let me start out by saying...my first impression.....OH MY GOSH THIS LADY IS IN MY HEAD! There were so many feelings and thoughts that she hit so close to mine! Maybe we (spouses of those with cancer) all feel pretty much the same! You have these feelings, things you never want to say out loud. Feelings that you can't help but feel and know they would look horrible or selfish if you said them.
I had to stop reading it while at the gym because it was hitting me so hard that I started to cry. I don't want people thinking the treadmill made me cry! ;)
It's hard to voice my thoughts, ones I don't feel like I should be having. Some that scare the crap out of me. I love Jason with all my heart and I will do anything I can for him.....but sometimes it's just too much! Sometimes I want to crawl into a little hole and pretend that my life is not like this. My husband is not sick and sleeping in a recliner in the living room every night. He's not losing function of his arm, he's not hurting so much that I cant really hug him. I'm a touchy feely person. I hug! It's horrible to not be able to hug my husband. To not get to lay on the bed with him and have my head on his chest. All the little things that we used to take for granted....we can no longer do.
Jason has beat cancer before....many times! Fingers crossed and many prayers he can beat it this time too. But every time he beats it....it takes a part of him with it. A part that I will never get back.
Take time and hug your spouse...hold their hand....lay with them....don't take a minute for granted! You are not guaranteed tomorrow and you are not guaranteed that it will be like yesterday!
Mar 2, 2016
People can be mean...
Last night Jason made his regular trip to UDF for his milkshake. While there he said there was a teenage boy and his girlfriend also getting ice cream. The boy kept looking back at Jason and then whispering to his girl. Then he turns and says out loud......"Look at this guy here! He's weird looking! Just look at him! Weird!" One of the workers who knows Jason well turned and went off on the boy. Saying he has no idea what Jason is going through, that he is fighting stage 4 cancer and he needs to learn respect. He did apologise to Jason, but the hurt already happened. I felt so sorry for him. How could anyone be that rude to say that???
Today was a treatment day. Jason seems to be in pretty good spirits. He came home to rest and just left to go into work for a little bit.
I have such a strong and amazing man! He goes through hell and back and still keeps moving!
Today was a treatment day. Jason seems to be in pretty good spirits. He came home to rest and just left to go into work for a little bit.
I have such a strong and amazing man! He goes through hell and back and still keeps moving!
Mar 1, 2016
Where are we now?
I have been horrible at keeping this blog going!! I will try to do better!
Jason went back to Chicago for treatment on the tumor in his neck. After several treatments it was not working so we went back to Dr Chua for some more options.
The treatment Dr Chua came up with is a big one! Her words...."I'm throwing the kitchen sink at you!"
Every week Jason will be receiving Erbitux, and every 3rd week she will add Taxol and Carboplatin to the Erbitux. That is 3 cancer treatments in one!
Several weeks into treatment.....IT'S WORKING! The tumor is shrinking! Now for the other stuff. His hair is almost all gone...no biggie. The Erbitux has caused him to break out really bad. His poor head is the worst! Scabs all over and they hurt. The Taxol is killing the nerves and in turn causing Jason to lose function of his left arm. (He's left handed) All minor when in exchange for his life...but it has really been weighing hard on him. He struggles every day and I see it breaking his mental well being.
The kids are hanging in there. Obviously the news of the tumor shrinking helped with that. Faith has made a team for their schools relay for life event. It's nice to see all the kids that are around us as our "family" sign up to walk. It's going to be a great event! Just working on getting all the kids $100 in donations. Faith has already raised $140!!
Walking Warriors Relay for Life team page
You can also purchase a Lumineria with your loved ones name printed on it!
Treatment tomorrow.
Have a great day!
Jason went back to Chicago for treatment on the tumor in his neck. After several treatments it was not working so we went back to Dr Chua for some more options.
The treatment Dr Chua came up with is a big one! Her words...."I'm throwing the kitchen sink at you!"
Every week Jason will be receiving Erbitux, and every 3rd week she will add Taxol and Carboplatin to the Erbitux. That is 3 cancer treatments in one!
Several weeks into treatment.....IT'S WORKING! The tumor is shrinking! Now for the other stuff. His hair is almost all gone...no biggie. The Erbitux has caused him to break out really bad. His poor head is the worst! Scabs all over and they hurt. The Taxol is killing the nerves and in turn causing Jason to lose function of his left arm. (He's left handed) All minor when in exchange for his life...but it has really been weighing hard on him. He struggles every day and I see it breaking his mental well being.
The kids are hanging in there. Obviously the news of the tumor shrinking helped with that. Faith has made a team for their schools relay for life event. It's nice to see all the kids that are around us as our "family" sign up to walk. It's going to be a great event! Just working on getting all the kids $100 in donations. Faith has already raised $140!!
Walking Warriors Relay for Life team page
You can also purchase a Lumineria with your loved ones name printed on it!
Treatment tomorrow.
Have a great day!
May 8, 2015
Hi there! It's been awhile.......
Today seems like a good day to write!
A lot has gone on in our lives during my break from blogging. Let me see if I can catch you up.
Dec 6, 2011
My first blog post. My husband Jason was diagnosed with oral cancer! It was on the side of his tongue.....started out as a small bump. He went through very aggressive chemotherapy and radiation. He had a feeding tube that I fought with him all the time about! He lost so much weight! He was weak enough that I had to stand with him in the shower, he sat down at the sink to shave and brush the very few teeth he had left. Because of the position of the tumor they had to remove most of his teeth for the radiation.
April 12, 2012
We got the ALL CLEAR! His oral cancer was GONE!
July 15, 2012
The cancer is back! This time in his lung!
This cancer was very hard to get rid of...in the process of treating it......it moved to his bones! He was now also receiving radiation to his left femur at the ball joint in his hip.
Radiation did kill that cancer, leaving bilateral fractures in his femur. (Ugh)
With the lung cancer not responding...Jason asked the Dr...how long with out working treatment. She said maybe Christmas. This was in September.
We were not ready to give up! Our doctors found a study in Chicago that they got us into! Now we were traveling to Chicago every other week for treatment. We also left our house and moved in with my mom to afford the trips, and for help with the kids.
March 17, 2014
Routine scans come in....not good. Yes, the lung cancer is shrinking but now there is a new tumor in his neck. Because of the new cancer we have been removed from the study. Back to our local oncologist.
March 26, 2014
New scans at our local doctor come in. The lung cancer is GONE! Now to crush this tumor in his neck! Chemo and radiation to come!
July 2, 2014
My hero kicked cancers butt again!!!! Clean scan baby!!! Now Jason goes in to be fitted for dentures so he can eat again! (lack of teeth)
September 25, 2014
((Scans)) STILL CANCER FREE
January 20, 2015
((Scans)) STILL CANCER FREE
March 17, 2015
((Scans)) New tumor in his neck. No radiation can be done since he has already had so much to that area! Chemo will have to do!
Current day....May 8, 2015
Jason has requested that new scans be done. The pain in his neck has been getting worse. He does not think the treatment is working. From here wit will be a new chemo and another call to Chicago to see what they have for studies.
I'm so ready for this roller coaster ride to be over! I want off! I want my husband healthy! I want my family happy! I want my life back! Jason and I are both in our later 30's, when do we get to sit back and enjoy our life? Don't get me wrong.....we look at every day as a blessing! We thank God for every breath we breathe! But with cancer always hanging over our heads.....it dulls the moments! We are subconsciously waiting for the other shoe to fall!
Hug and kiss your loved ones! Even if you normally don't....DO IT! It could be the last time you have that chance! Take that break t go out to coffee with a friend, a date with your s/o. You never know when those blissfully happy times could be ripped away from you!
I'm going to work on keeping this up to date again. Please follow me!
Thanks,
Jaime
A lot has gone on in our lives during my break from blogging. Let me see if I can catch you up.
Dec 6, 2011
My first blog post. My husband Jason was diagnosed with oral cancer! It was on the side of his tongue.....started out as a small bump. He went through very aggressive chemotherapy and radiation. He had a feeding tube that I fought with him all the time about! He lost so much weight! He was weak enough that I had to stand with him in the shower, he sat down at the sink to shave and brush the very few teeth he had left. Because of the position of the tumor they had to remove most of his teeth for the radiation.
April 12, 2012
We got the ALL CLEAR! His oral cancer was GONE!
July 15, 2012
The cancer is back! This time in his lung!
This cancer was very hard to get rid of...in the process of treating it......it moved to his bones! He was now also receiving radiation to his left femur at the ball joint in his hip.
Radiation did kill that cancer, leaving bilateral fractures in his femur. (Ugh)
With the lung cancer not responding...Jason asked the Dr...how long with out working treatment. She said maybe Christmas. This was in September.
We were not ready to give up! Our doctors found a study in Chicago that they got us into! Now we were traveling to Chicago every other week for treatment. We also left our house and moved in with my mom to afford the trips, and for help with the kids.
March 17, 2014
Routine scans come in....not good. Yes, the lung cancer is shrinking but now there is a new tumor in his neck. Because of the new cancer we have been removed from the study. Back to our local oncologist.
March 26, 2014
New scans at our local doctor come in. The lung cancer is GONE! Now to crush this tumor in his neck! Chemo and radiation to come!
July 2, 2014
My hero kicked cancers butt again!!!! Clean scan baby!!! Now Jason goes in to be fitted for dentures so he can eat again! (lack of teeth)
September 25, 2014
((Scans)) STILL CANCER FREE
January 20, 2015
((Scans)) STILL CANCER FREE
March 17, 2015
((Scans)) New tumor in his neck. No radiation can be done since he has already had so much to that area! Chemo will have to do!
Current day....May 8, 2015
Jason has requested that new scans be done. The pain in his neck has been getting worse. He does not think the treatment is working. From here wit will be a new chemo and another call to Chicago to see what they have for studies.
I'm so ready for this roller coaster ride to be over! I want off! I want my husband healthy! I want my family happy! I want my life back! Jason and I are both in our later 30's, when do we get to sit back and enjoy our life? Don't get me wrong.....we look at every day as a blessing! We thank God for every breath we breathe! But with cancer always hanging over our heads.....it dulls the moments! We are subconsciously waiting for the other shoe to fall!
Hug and kiss your loved ones! Even if you normally don't....DO IT! It could be the last time you have that chance! Take that break t go out to coffee with a friend, a date with your s/o. You never know when those blissfully happy times could be ripped away from you!
I'm going to work on keeping this up to date again. Please follow me!
Thanks,
Jaime
Oct 22, 2014
This time next month will be 4 years from the start of our cancer journey. Jason is currently cancer free! He feels great and is beginning to get his strength back. I can not believe how far my family has come!
We are so grateful to all of our supporters! All the prayers, people who donated to our trips...the list goes on and on! THANK YOU! We would not have made it with out you!
We are so grateful to all of our supporters! All the prayers, people who donated to our trips...the list goes on and on! THANK YOU! We would not have made it with out you!
Jun 20, 2013
Just keep swimming....
Like Dori says in Finding Nemo, just keep swimming!
We just got home from another Chicago trip. I'm not sure why but this trip made me nervous. Maybe it was hearing that he had fluid in his lung or finding out that he still has bone cancer....we just never heard them talk about it.
When we met with Dr Vokes he explained that yes the lesion on Jason's L5 (on his spine) has been there. They have been watching it and it has not changed. Their hope is that the study drug will also shrink that tumor. The tumors in the lining of his lung are continuing to shrink. We are not sure by how much because the scan people do not add those details into the scan. I think they should! As for treatment.....we just keep swimming! We keep moving forward and hope that it continues to make progress. The fluid in his lung is minimal and of no concern, they will be watching that as well. With the cancer causing so much trauma to the lung, it is not uncommon.
We did ok another piece of tissue to be tested for another study. We will stay on the study we are on...this is a back up plan. If the current study stops working, then we can try this new one! Dr Vokes is very good at what he does!
Jason is feeling good, eating and gaining weight! Thank you for your continued support and prayers!
We just got home from another Chicago trip. I'm not sure why but this trip made me nervous. Maybe it was hearing that he had fluid in his lung or finding out that he still has bone cancer....we just never heard them talk about it.
When we met with Dr Vokes he explained that yes the lesion on Jason's L5 (on his spine) has been there. They have been watching it and it has not changed. Their hope is that the study drug will also shrink that tumor. The tumors in the lining of his lung are continuing to shrink. We are not sure by how much because the scan people do not add those details into the scan. I think they should! As for treatment.....we just keep swimming! We keep moving forward and hope that it continues to make progress. The fluid in his lung is minimal and of no concern, they will be watching that as well. With the cancer causing so much trauma to the lung, it is not uncommon.
We did ok another piece of tissue to be tested for another study. We will stay on the study we are on...this is a back up plan. If the current study stops working, then we can try this new one! Dr Vokes is very good at what he does!
Jason is feeling good, eating and gaining weight! Thank you for your continued support and prayers!
Jun 17, 2013
Random thoughts
There are days that I don't want to get out of bed!
Days that I wake up....hoping that the past 2 years have been a bad dream!
I have sad days, mad days and ass kicking days!
With cancer comes many feelings all bunched into one! It's crazy how one little thing that happens in your day can change the mood so fast! It's stressful and just when you think you can't go on any longer, you do!
I have to be his rock! I have to be there to bring him back when he falls into the dark spot! It's only normal that he and I both go there...the dark spot that is. It is NOT however ok for us to stay there!
I have amazing friends, many I have yet to meet in person! Many times I don't feel that I deserve them! People who have never met me, yet are willing to bend over backwards to make my life easier! Today I sit here and realize that they are all angels! Angels that God sent to me! I know that I can never repay them for the kindness they have showed me!
Many days I feel overwhelmed! How can anyone be expected to deal with such stresses day in and day out for 2 years? Then I think, many have done it longer than us! Many wish they had the 2 years to spend with their loved ones who did not have that long! Then comes the guilt. How selfish am I to complain when so many have to so much worse than me? The emotions go round and round!
I need to count my blessings! There are people in the world who don't have half of what I have! I have love, friendship and life!
Days that I wake up....hoping that the past 2 years have been a bad dream!
I have sad days, mad days and ass kicking days!
With cancer comes many feelings all bunched into one! It's crazy how one little thing that happens in your day can change the mood so fast! It's stressful and just when you think you can't go on any longer, you do!
I have to be his rock! I have to be there to bring him back when he falls into the dark spot! It's only normal that he and I both go there...the dark spot that is. It is NOT however ok for us to stay there!
I have amazing friends, many I have yet to meet in person! Many times I don't feel that I deserve them! People who have never met me, yet are willing to bend over backwards to make my life easier! Today I sit here and realize that they are all angels! Angels that God sent to me! I know that I can never repay them for the kindness they have showed me!
Many days I feel overwhelmed! How can anyone be expected to deal with such stresses day in and day out for 2 years? Then I think, many have done it longer than us! Many wish they had the 2 years to spend with their loved ones who did not have that long! Then comes the guilt. How selfish am I to complain when so many have to so much worse than me? The emotions go round and round!
I need to count my blessings! There are people in the world who don't have half of what I have! I have love, friendship and life!
Catching you up to speed!
I have found that I miss writing in my blog so I am going to do my best to learn the ropes since it changed a bit!
The past treatment for Jason's lung cancer did not do anything. If anything the cancer got worse! Jason asked the horrible question..."If we do nothing, how long do I have?" The answer was Christmas! We were heartbroken and lost! That was when Dr Chua said she wanted our permission to contact a doctor in Chicago. He does trials and may have something else we can try. It did not take long to get that ball rolling! We went to Chicago and spoke to Dr Vokes about the trial and once again had a little hope! Now our treatment is as so...every other week we drive from Cincinnati to Chicago for an IV treatment. Jason also has a chemo pill that he takes twice a day. We drive up on Wednesday morning and go straight to the hospital, then stay at a hotel and come home the next morning. The driving is the pits but so far the tumors have been responding! I will drive where ever I have to if it could help him!
We had to give up our house and move in with my mom so that we could make all the trips possible! Mom helps us with keeping the kids and providing a roof over our heads so we can afford the trip and medications etc. It was very sad to leave our home, but it was the best option! I'm not sure how we would have made it without my mom!
Jason has been gaining weight! I no longer can see his hip bones!!! He has a horrible rash all over his face, head, chest, back and arms. This is a good thing though! The doctors said the rash is a sign that the treatment is working!! The rash has the appearance of a lot of pimples but when they pop, they bleed like crazy!!!
We head to Chicago again this week and will find out the results of his most recent scan. We read it as well as we could and well.....it looks like there may be a new mass? No matter what the news, we will continue and do our best to beat cancer!
I will do my best to keep this page going again! It really does help me work out my feelings and is a great resource to look back on! Thank you again for your continued thoughts and prayers!
The past treatment for Jason's lung cancer did not do anything. If anything the cancer got worse! Jason asked the horrible question..."If we do nothing, how long do I have?" The answer was Christmas! We were heartbroken and lost! That was when Dr Chua said she wanted our permission to contact a doctor in Chicago. He does trials and may have something else we can try. It did not take long to get that ball rolling! We went to Chicago and spoke to Dr Vokes about the trial and once again had a little hope! Now our treatment is as so...every other week we drive from Cincinnati to Chicago for an IV treatment. Jason also has a chemo pill that he takes twice a day. We drive up on Wednesday morning and go straight to the hospital, then stay at a hotel and come home the next morning. The driving is the pits but so far the tumors have been responding! I will drive where ever I have to if it could help him!
We had to give up our house and move in with my mom so that we could make all the trips possible! Mom helps us with keeping the kids and providing a roof over our heads so we can afford the trip and medications etc. It was very sad to leave our home, but it was the best option! I'm not sure how we would have made it without my mom!
Jason has been gaining weight! I no longer can see his hip bones!!! He has a horrible rash all over his face, head, chest, back and arms. This is a good thing though! The doctors said the rash is a sign that the treatment is working!! The rash has the appearance of a lot of pimples but when they pop, they bleed like crazy!!!
We head to Chicago again this week and will find out the results of his most recent scan. We read it as well as we could and well.....it looks like there may be a new mass? No matter what the news, we will continue and do our best to beat cancer!
I will do my best to keep this page going again! It really does help me work out my feelings and is a great resource to look back on! Thank you again for your continued thoughts and prayers!
Jul 24, 2012
Getting the next plan of action!
We went to see Dr Pratt the other day. He will be our radiologist this time around...Dr Gerson said he is the best at this! There are 2 spots of cancer in the lining of Jason's right lung and there is a spot in his left lung that so far does not show signs of cancer, however being over cautious Dr Pratt would like to hit it with radiation also! I'm with him, why let it have a chance to turn into anything!
It will take about 2 weeks for all the brains at the amazing OHC office to come up with all the specifics so right now Jason is there so they can make his body mold and dye marks. After that we will have 8 days of radiation treatment, I believe he said it would be every other day. because of the level of radiation he will be getting (direct radiation) he can not start chemo until AFTER radiation is complete. So no...we have not talked to Dr Chua yet.....but I have heard that she already has a plan for Jason! This does not surprise me one bit!
Possible side effects are mild.....he could feel like he has the flu.....he could get a radiation type pneumonia which they would treat with a round of steroids but the worst side effect (still better than oral cancer side effects!) is he will be VERY susceptible to cracked ribs! Since the radiation will be passing through his ribs they can weaken them and they often see people come back with cracked ribs about 12 months to 5 years after treatment. All of the above we can deal with if it means we once again kicked cancer's butt!
There will be many changes for the Smiddy's in the next month or so and we are so very happy to have our friends and family backing i=us and helping us every step of the way!
One friend (who I have yet to meet in person) has created an online auction to help raise money for us! It is a 48 hour auction that will take place on FB, I will add the link below. The dates are 7/28-7/30. (There will be an album added with the items and you have those 48 hours to bid) I have amazing friends...some who have never met me in person! https://www.facebook.com/Corgisupport
Thanks everyone for your kind words and thoughts and prayers! We are ready to take this nasty beast on again! DING DING...Round 2 is a knock out round! ;)
It will take about 2 weeks for all the brains at the amazing OHC office to come up with all the specifics so right now Jason is there so they can make his body mold and dye marks. After that we will have 8 days of radiation treatment, I believe he said it would be every other day. because of the level of radiation he will be getting (direct radiation) he can not start chemo until AFTER radiation is complete. So no...we have not talked to Dr Chua yet.....but I have heard that she already has a plan for Jason! This does not surprise me one bit!
Possible side effects are mild.....he could feel like he has the flu.....he could get a radiation type pneumonia which they would treat with a round of steroids but the worst side effect (still better than oral cancer side effects!) is he will be VERY susceptible to cracked ribs! Since the radiation will be passing through his ribs they can weaken them and they often see people come back with cracked ribs about 12 months to 5 years after treatment. All of the above we can deal with if it means we once again kicked cancer's butt!
There will be many changes for the Smiddy's in the next month or so and we are so very happy to have our friends and family backing i=us and helping us every step of the way!
One friend (who I have yet to meet in person) has created an online auction to help raise money for us! It is a 48 hour auction that will take place on FB, I will add the link below. The dates are 7/28-7/30. (There will be an album added with the items and you have those 48 hours to bid) I have amazing friends...some who have never met me in person! https://www.facebook.com/Corgisupport
Thanks everyone for your kind words and thoughts and prayers! We are ready to take this nasty beast on again! DING DING...Round 2 is a knock out round! ;)
Jul 19, 2012
Biopsy
We have Jason's biopsy scheduled for this Friday! We will be at the hospital at 6:45am and they should start it by 8:45am. This is a needle biopsy so he will be put in a twilight state. HOPEFULLY we will be leaving the hospital around noon.
We are expecting to have a game plan and info on the biopsy next week after our TEAM meets!
Thanks for all your support!
We are expecting to have a game plan and info on the biopsy next week after our TEAM meets!
Thanks for all your support!
Jul 15, 2012
Here we go again!
So we had aprox. 3 months free of cancer! We went on a great family vacation with some really good friends and have been working at helping Jason gain weight.
Last week we went to our radiologist for the results of his current scan. Red flag when our nurse Bonnie came in and asked if she could borrow Austin. (We brought him with us to reduce the fights at home).
Turns out there are 2 spots on Jason's right lung that concern them. One on the top and a larger one on the bottom. Now treatment for this will not be as life altering as the oral cancer treatment, but lung cancer is just scary! I lost my best friend/grandpa to lung cancer when Noah was just a baby!
We visit a specialist on Tuesday who will take a biopsy of the tumors. The results of that will help decide treatment. If this is the same cancer he had before (hpv positive) we may be able to get it with radiation and chemo. If it is a different cancer, they may suggest surgery.
Here we go again....we have to once again teach cancer that the Smiddy's are NOT to be messed with! I wish we didn't have to, but we do and we are up for the challenge!
Thanks for always being there....I will update as I know more.
Apr 12, 2012
CANCER HAS SUCCESSFULLY BEEN EVICTED!!
We went to our doctor appointment on Wednesday and were so nervous!!!! We sat in the room and tapped our feet, talked about feeling sick - you name it! Dr Gerson popped her head in and said she would be with us in a minute, she wanted to say hi to another patient real quick. THAT sent our brains going a mile a minute! She has bad news, that is why she went to another room first! She wanted to think of a way to break it. No, maybe it's good news and she was saying hi because she knew we were ok! OR maybe she did not have the results at all! Our minds were in overdrive.
Bonnie the amazing nurse we have had from day one popped her head in and said hi while she added papers to his file. Bonnie sat there talking to us and said that Christina really worked hard on the pet scan.....uh.....why did she have to work so hard on it? Bonnie said that the pet scan showed conflicting results. One part said the tumor progressed and another said his node measured normal. So Christina called the pet scan doctor and they worked through it. Jason looked at her and said....."so is it good?" "It's good news" Bonnie said! My heart about hit the floor! I think she saw the relief in our faces so she showed me the papers and said she was sorry she ruined the surprise. I told her not to feel sorry, I was so thankful because I was tired of feeling like I was going to throw up one minute and poop my pants the next. I know...details...but you know you have felt the same way sometime in your life!
Dr Gerson came in and was her normal perky self. I love her! She showed me pics of her new dog she just adopted and told us the story. Then she said how amazing the news was! On a normal scan they would still see a spot where the cancer was. On Jason's scan they saw NOTHING! The cancer is completely gone!!! Jason looked at her and said..."So, I'm cancer free?" :) YES!
We started talking about having his tube and port removed and Dr Gerson had talked about calling Dr Chua to see what she thought. Just as she and Jason agreed they would just wait and she went to grab a nurse- who was standing at the door? Dr Chua! She has done this to us 2 other times! CRAZY! Dr Chua said Jason can have the port and the tube removed as long as he can take his meds by mouth. Last night he did just that!
When there was a small scare that the cancer was not gone Bonnie said there were nurses and staff that were really upset! Jason has really made an impact on that office and everyone knows his story. I can not say how much we appreciate each and every one of them. Our nurse Megan who normally helped us out on the oncology side came over to see what the answer was too. She said she could not wait any longer! So after our appointment we had to do a walk through of the oncology clinic and hug all of our nurses. Amazing women!!!
We made it to the car before I started to cry, wonderful tears of joy and relief! Jason cried with me, we beat it! We did JUST as we said we would, we evicted his cancer! I love him with all my heart and I now see how truly strong he is! I married Superman! (Or Diego as the nurses call him)
We go see the ENT Friday so he can do a follow up and then Dr Chua at the end of the month for her follow up. Then we have nothing for 3 months! Sweet nothing! We have a trip planned for the beach in June and will have an amazing time. We are a cancer free family!
THANK YOU to everyone who prayed for us and helped us through this rough time! I know all of you helped keep me sane. Now please forward your prayers to those of THANKS and some for our good friend Rachel who is having a rough time evicting her cancer. She has surgery this weekend and is very stressed out.
One other cancer patient I would like to mention is little Annabel Kramer. Not yet a year old and has been battling her own cancer along with Jason. They went through a lot of the same things around the same times, but she still has more fighting to do! I will attach a link to her progress page, please take a moment to look and maybe leave a few positive words for her family. I have known her daddy Greg since I was 16. I have no doubt that she will pull through this a winner, but the road is a rough one and she and her family could use the prayers!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/124260784357669/
"Always Blessings, Never losses!"
Bonnie the amazing nurse we have had from day one popped her head in and said hi while she added papers to his file. Bonnie sat there talking to us and said that Christina really worked hard on the pet scan.....uh.....why did she have to work so hard on it? Bonnie said that the pet scan showed conflicting results. One part said the tumor progressed and another said his node measured normal. So Christina called the pet scan doctor and they worked through it. Jason looked at her and said....."so is it good?" "It's good news" Bonnie said! My heart about hit the floor! I think she saw the relief in our faces so she showed me the papers and said she was sorry she ruined the surprise. I told her not to feel sorry, I was so thankful because I was tired of feeling like I was going to throw up one minute and poop my pants the next. I know...details...but you know you have felt the same way sometime in your life!
Dr Gerson came in and was her normal perky self. I love her! She showed me pics of her new dog she just adopted and told us the story. Then she said how amazing the news was! On a normal scan they would still see a spot where the cancer was. On Jason's scan they saw NOTHING! The cancer is completely gone!!! Jason looked at her and said..."So, I'm cancer free?" :) YES!
We started talking about having his tube and port removed and Dr Gerson had talked about calling Dr Chua to see what she thought. Just as she and Jason agreed they would just wait and she went to grab a nurse- who was standing at the door? Dr Chua! She has done this to us 2 other times! CRAZY! Dr Chua said Jason can have the port and the tube removed as long as he can take his meds by mouth. Last night he did just that!
When there was a small scare that the cancer was not gone Bonnie said there were nurses and staff that were really upset! Jason has really made an impact on that office and everyone knows his story. I can not say how much we appreciate each and every one of them. Our nurse Megan who normally helped us out on the oncology side came over to see what the answer was too. She said she could not wait any longer! So after our appointment we had to do a walk through of the oncology clinic and hug all of our nurses. Amazing women!!!
We made it to the car before I started to cry, wonderful tears of joy and relief! Jason cried with me, we beat it! We did JUST as we said we would, we evicted his cancer! I love him with all my heart and I now see how truly strong he is! I married Superman! (Or Diego as the nurses call him)
We go see the ENT Friday so he can do a follow up and then Dr Chua at the end of the month for her follow up. Then we have nothing for 3 months! Sweet nothing! We have a trip planned for the beach in June and will have an amazing time. We are a cancer free family!
THANK YOU to everyone who prayed for us and helped us through this rough time! I know all of you helped keep me sane. Now please forward your prayers to those of THANKS and some for our good friend Rachel who is having a rough time evicting her cancer. She has surgery this weekend and is very stressed out.
One other cancer patient I would like to mention is little Annabel Kramer. Not yet a year old and has been battling her own cancer along with Jason. They went through a lot of the same things around the same times, but she still has more fighting to do! I will attach a link to her progress page, please take a moment to look and maybe leave a few positive words for her family. I have known her daddy Greg since I was 16. I have no doubt that she will pull through this a winner, but the road is a rough one and she and her family could use the prayers!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/124260784357669/
"Always Blessings, Never losses!"
Apr 11, 2012
Results day......
This afternoon we get Jason's PET scan results. We are both extremely nervous about this. I will post as soon as I know something. :(
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